It took me a very long time to try to work out this much of the system of ‘rules’ that’s been driving me so insane recently - but thankfully now from a headspace that’s growing in clarity I can express at least some of what has been going through my brain whilst it’s been on complete overdrive. 

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A long overdue blogpost written during my first weekend of inpatient - the most horrific nightmare I have ever experienced… not something I’ll ever forget. 

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onlybabyyscarss: I thought I'd pop up to tell you that you're a massive inspiration! you deal with such a horrible illness so so well and I'm kind of proud of you to see you get so far. Even though sometimes things go tits up, you keep your spirits up and I can't believe how strong you stay! I hope you keep going like you've always said you would. Thankyou so much for your videos, they've essentially given me a sense of hope and I think you're physically and morally beautiful and I hope you see that too, bye:) x

I really don’t deserve comments like this at the moment to be honest - I’m hardly an inspiration! But thank you. I’m doing my very best to be as strong as possible, as difficult and exhausting as it is. I’m doing it for everyone out there struggling, so if I help or give some hope to someone then that’s a job well done. All the very best xxx

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Belated share - have since left inpatient for anyone who is wondering what’s going on. Thank you all for your support.

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loveyoutothebone: hey lovely - do you have a paypal account so i can send you a little something?

Thank you so much. I have since been transferred some emergency money by my Dad and a very kind stranger, so I managed to get gifts for the unit before leaving, and hopefully I should have a few quid to get me through the next few days… I feel so horribly guilty accepting anything to be honest - I’m sure I’ll survive on the little I have. You’re very kind xxx

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Anonymous: Just wanted to check in on you - watched your last youtube video & saw myself in you so much. Have been there so many time - so incapacitated by anxiety that I was unable to sit still and focus on anything. But please keep fighting, it can get better. Life's not all smelling of roses but there is a tiny speck of light at the end of that tunnel - 15 years of my ED and fight on. It so won't feel like it to you now but I can see it in you - you have that fight somewhere deep down - keep looking! x

This is so lovely of you, thank you doesn’t seem enough in response to everyone’s support at the moment given that I’ve been pretty shambolic in return, but I do appreciate it all. You’re very brave and very strong. Keep fighting, I am too. xxx

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